brownsugatou

I was really inspired to write this... sometimes feelings cannot be exhibited due to being at the wrong place at the wrong time - but I was feeling this. Enjoy!

Heart races.
I'm scared.
Breathing shortened.
Gone?
Nah, it's still there.

Thank God I'm me.
But afraid of what
YOU want, need, and think
I might be.

Pure hesitancy
I smell.
The joy and possible
Satisfaction I bring to you,
You inhale.

Still I'm runnin'.
Runnin' from a ball of emotions.
These chains of irrationality.
This weight of anxiety,
As I imagine me leave
My complacency.

But what if I walk with Him
And believe?

Increase my faith and
Supress my doubts?

Choke back these tears
And cuddle up with victory?

Focus on the amazing things
He sees in me?

Nothin'.
This poem hasn't happened yet.
'Cause I'm still runnin'.

Copyright 2009
C. Thomas
a.k.a. brownsugatou

Check, check, check it out if you are near your computer and love the art of spoken word or poetry. Hey, maybe you'll decide to host your own show on Blog Talk Radio one day too. Pam Osbey is a spoken word artist, poet, author, enterpreneur, workshop facilitator, and hosts her own show "Literary Pizzazz" on Blog Talk Radio. You can visit her website, read her biography and check out her books at her webswite at Osbey Books.

Still celebrating National Poetry Month Pam Osbey will feature another great spoken word artist whom I've mentioned on my blog before, Christopher D. Sims a.k.a. UniverSouLove. I rock on to his underground classic, and it is underground, "1987". If you are a hip hop fan you can't help it. Check out his sounds at his myspace website. Below is the detailed information regarding the show. Remember you must register with Blog Talk Radio first, log in, and then call in if you have questions or comments. Peace and Blessings for now folks.

Blog Talk Radio Feature
Join UniverSouLove on
Pam Osbey's Blog Talk Radio Show
"Literary Pizzazz"
Monday, April 27th, 2009
8 p.m. Central Time
Call in number is: (646) 478-5460
8 pm Central Time

Pam Osbey's Blog Talk Radio

Widgetbox rocks! That's about all I have to say. Really cool site for the not so web savvy blogger such as myself.

Communication. Communication. Communication. So integral in relationships whether they are blossoming or have stood the test of time. I'll be the first to admit that I am both strong and sometimes fail at communicating - but I don't mind learning and trying something different. This next piece is a definite result of trying something different. I wrote it and shared it with the person that my feelings were directed at... and wow talk about a cup overflowing with a river of good vibes. Enjoy!

He Don't Understand.

Really he doesn’t.
How it’s hard to.
Put one’s vulnerability on the line.
When I sacrifice time.
My son and mine’s.

No he doesn’t understand.
How I appreciate what we share.
Yes it’s divine.

If I could give 100% and then some.
I would.
I try.
And I do.

No he doesn’t’ understand.
I’m often the target of Baby Daddy attacks.
I work my 9-5 plus nine.

I give and get some time.
When its given.
I choose selectively

When I get it.
I take it.
And it’s usually the best damn.
Two minute vacation

No he doesn’t understand.
That I really do appreciate.
The new friendship.
The sharing.
The giving.
The listening.
The laughter.
And the sound of creativity.

Friendship.
Sharing.
Giving.
Listening.
Laughter.
The sound of creativity.

This is the beautiful sum of all my negativity?

Then, yeah, the King will understand…
the Queen is just having one of her moments.

Copyright 2009
C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

My son: "Mama, an earring + an earring = a diamond. And a chair + a chair = a sofa."
Me: "Where did you learn that from son?"
My son: "My brain tells me that's object math mama."

Now I know children say the darndest things, however when my son hit me up with his version of "object math" I literally had to stop in my tracks and was rendered speechless. I'm still trying to wrap my head around his wonderful logical thinking - and I am not being sarcastic here. I was truly stumped. At six years old, he already has the concept of seeing "the bigger picture down to a mathematical science." That's my son and I enjoy every single "morsel" of time that God has allowed us to share with each other as tomorrow is not always promised. All of this leads me to my next poem that was inspired by my son - and his siblings/my babies who are no longer with us - Ben, Ali, and the Three Angel Babies. My son was born prematurely at 29 weeks and weighed 2.5 lbs. He survived some amazing, amazing, challenges including facing death . More on this in another post.

This poem is about a lot of things rolled into one - "motherhood", relationships, freedom of choice (although I think differently now), and most importantly "life". See I didn't know about "life" until God introduced me to "motherhood".

Brown Suga Baby

My Brown Suga Baby,How did you come to be?
Out of the five, you all the way “live”.
See the first two, I deleted.
Because it was about what I
Was going through.College, socializin’, partyin’, and
The men: a.k.a. their effed up daddies.
I was aimlessly trying to figure out life
But I didn’t know “life”.

The third (it came in twos).
I thought I was on my way.
Coporate hoe, making dough,
Relationship tight, the timing was right.
I was ready for “cuddly-coo” and “peek-a-boo” conversations.
But I wasn’t ready for the storm
That God sent me through.
Your twin brothers, all they ever knew was love.
But, during that sixth month
God called them to his Gates.

The fourth was a blur.
My soon to be Angel Baby created a new hope.
Her Daddy would be there in nine months to cut the rope.
But, like the first two before her,
She too would be nameless and faceless.
Not at the hands of man but at the hands of God

Then came you.
My little Brown Suga Baby.
You came out and hit me up on some
“Please believe it ‘ish!”
You are my pride and joy in this world
And it’s the fighter in you that lets me know that all things are possible.
My Brown Suga Baby,
So precious, so sweet
There is nothing greater in this world,
Than having you make my life complete


Rest In Peace,The Three Angels, Ben and Ali
© 2003 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

Keeping it short and funky. Setting these words to music one day? - possibly. But this piece is based on a real life experience - my past relationship with a "local" underground hip hop artist. I've already shared "The First Ladies of Hip Hop". When I share with you another piece "My Black Man" you'll see how it all comes together.

Can I Love You and Hip Hop Too?

Can I love You and Hip Hop too?
Treasure your cloud of smoke
And withstand you not being you?
Can I love You and Hip Hop too?
Stand patiently by your dreams
And not ask what you can do for you?
Can I love You and Hip Hop too?
Walk invisibly in my footsteps
And watch my soles become you?
Can I love You and Hip Hop too?

© 2009 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

This poem was written right before the turning point that I had in terms of communicating with my son's father. All I have to say is... I'm a Black Queen, a woman, a mother to my beautiful son, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a beautiful Black Goddess - so don't label me (Baby Mama) and treat me as one dimensional and I shall (and I do) reciprocrate the same unto you. The communication that we have is much better now... still a few things to work on however all aspects of life is a journey. *** This poem is NOT for G-rated ears.


Baby Mama Blues

It’s the on-ly tune
That you can now extract from me.
I gave your four good years
Of my soul to keep.

Your two seeds, Our three angels,
One Brown Suga Baby.
Making a family can be deep

But when the shit hit the fan,
We checked out,
Ran away
From the precipice
Of…
“It’s too hard.”
“Let’s work it out.”
“I quit my job.”
“Our baby’s sick.”
“Shut yo’ punk ass up.”

So, we (the BSB and me)
Took the train
And got ghost
Left yo’ ass
Missed yo’ ass
And…
Still…
You…
Tapped that ass

The gap between us
Is wide, silent,
And spacious.

Now our Brown Suga Baby,
Has a Daddy Wound.
Now all three of us
Have Daddy Wounds.
But what you gone do
To fix his Daddy Wound?
Not a mutha-fuckin’ thing!

Barely call,
Barely write,
Child support
Ain’t never right
And you tellin’ me
How to run my life?

But fuck all that above
I’m just wanting YOU
To be
An influential person
In his life.

But when I ask
You show your ass
And I ain’t never
Outed you publicly
For child support.

And even though
WE fucked up
He’s still our #1 fan!

So come on
I’ve let you in
And I ain’t never closed the door.

But your head just keeps on noddin’
To my Baby Mama Blues.
My Baby Mama Blues.

© 2007 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

Yes, I am promoting - something beautiful that is. However he's been hiding in Rockford, IL for far too long. Oh, yeah his words, his rhyhthm, and spirit have blessed many, many mics in his time and he's also a "crusader for justice". However, it's time to do it again with a fresh begininng. Christopher Donshale Sims a.k.a. Universoulove. Remember that name as it won't be the last time you'll hear it if you haven't already. You can check this kindred soul out at www.myspace.com/universoulove7 or his latest website http://www.universoulovethepoet.com/.

March 7, 2009

Welcome to brownsugatou's blog spot. It's funny because I have no recollection of signing up at blogger.com several months ago. It's 4:27 a.m. in the morning, I've been listening to Kanye West, Aretha Franklin, and Mahalia Jackson pondering how I wanted to share my poetry with others. Let's just say that I checked out blogger.com and low and behold I was already signed up! Although this was never my goal to begin with, I decided that maybe I'd give it a shot - posting my poetry on a popular blog website. Okay, so I have my monolugue out of the way. However, I find great comfort in writing my poetry as oppossed to addressing a large audience.

Feel free to check out my profile to learn a few more things about me. Just know that I am laid back and not all of my poetry is reflective of the person - the black woman that I am today. So far, my topics mainly deal with my past relationships, current involvement with men, and other things that just come to mind. Also, I'm no relationship expert in anyway... just waiting for my Black King to take his permanent place next to my throne. Being from the Bay Area (Oakland, CA born and raised) I may on a occasion entertain you with slang or expletives (thanks Grannie) or some rather strong emotions. Please enjoy!

brownsugatou