brownsugatou

Real life experience. I had to wrestle with myself. I want to, I want us to - to come out victorious if this shall be God's plan.

Fear of Black Love? Or Welcome to My Black Heart?

It’s easier to just say Welcome!
Welcome to my black heart.

Where my vessels stay well oiled
And Conditioned with unrequited love.

Love that ain’t right and
Men who have put their mouths on me.

Begging me, beckoning me for
My physical presents.
And ignoring the beauty
Of my physical presence.

Enter my Black King.

Excuse me! But my red carpet
Just ain’t clean.

Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
But, I welcome you to my Queendome anyway.

You gone be alright?
‘Cause I still want you.

But just know you will take
My garbage too.
My chipped heart, wilted promises
Stinky self-esteem, and smelly
Man bashing ways….

Yeah, My Black King…
I love you but I fear you all the same.

© 2009 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

This poem was written right before the turning point that I had in terms of communicating with my son's father. All I have to say is... I'm a Black Queen, a woman, a mother to my beautiful son, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a beautiful Black Goddess - so don't label me (Baby Mama) and treat me as one dimensional and I shall (and I do) reciprocrate the same unto you. The communication that we have is much better now... still a few things to work on however all aspects of life is a journey. *** This poem is NOT for G-rated ears.


Baby Mama Blues

It’s the on-ly tune
That you can now extract from me.
I gave your four good years
Of my soul to keep.

Your two seeds, Our three angels,
One Brown Suga Baby.
Making a family can be deep

But when the shit hit the fan,
We checked out,
Ran away
From the precipice
Of…
“It’s too hard.”
“Let’s work it out.”
“I quit my job.”
“Our baby’s sick.”
“Shut yo’ punk ass up.”

So, we (the BSB and me)
Took the train
And got ghost
Left yo’ ass
Missed yo’ ass
And…
Still…
You…
Tapped that ass

The gap between us
Is wide, silent,
And spacious.

Now our Brown Suga Baby,
Has a Daddy Wound.
Now all three of us
Have Daddy Wounds.
But what you gone do
To fix his Daddy Wound?
Not a mutha-fuckin’ thing!

Barely call,
Barely write,
Child support
Ain’t never right
And you tellin’ me
How to run my life?

But fuck all that above
I’m just wanting YOU
To be
An influential person
In his life.

But when I ask
You show your ass
And I ain’t never
Outed you publicly
For child support.

And even though
WE fucked up
He’s still our #1 fan!

So come on
I’ve let you in
And I ain’t never closed the door.

But your head just keeps on noddin’
To my Baby Mama Blues.
My Baby Mama Blues.

© 2007 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

I've had too many conversations this week about the impact of fatherless children with my adult friends and relatives. brownsugatou used to get a little angry sometimes too. And when I DID I let my pen talk about my PAST hurt, my pain... but I've learned to forgive my father who is now deceased, myself (yes myself) and my son's father also. However, I was none too kind with the pieces I wrote, Daddy (In You and Me) and Baby Mama Blues. Have you made peace with an absent parent? Would you if given the opportunity?


Daddy (In You and Me)

You know that’s really phucked up
What you did
Nah, really fucked up
You had those kids
TIMES TEN

It’s really jacked up
How you siphoned my heart
Of unconditional love
FOR YOU

I try to pretend
That these years of pain
Are not balled up inside my brain
BUT I CAN’T

Never reached back for
Lilly, Gwen, and me
Your fatherless set of three
YOU SUCK

Now, I and we have had
Straight bitches for men
Also raised by a single wo(man)
FATHERLESS MEN

So I’ll depend on God to show
Me the way
To give and receive love
In that special way
‘Cause I have
FAITH

Just ranting my but off!

© 2006 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

Yes, I am promoting - something beautiful that is. However he's been hiding in Rockford, IL for far too long. Oh, yeah his words, his rhyhthm, and spirit have blessed many, many mics in his time and he's also a "crusader for justice". However, it's time to do it again with a fresh begininng. Christopher Donshale Sims a.k.a. Universoulove. Remember that name as it won't be the last time you'll hear it if you haven't already. You can check this kindred soul out at www.myspace.com/universoulove7 or his latest website http://www.universoulovethepoet.com/.

Let's see here it was 2002, and I was feeding off the hip hop vibe of my love, my boo, my soulmate at the time (we are no longer and but WE wish each other well). He's an underground hip hop legend in his town. That makes my son the Son Of and Underground Legend. And that made me one of the First Ladies of Hip Hop... all of us don't rap y'all. He's aware that our relationship gave me miles of content for my poetry. He completed his first solo album after the demise of our relationship that included a song that was about both of his ex-Queens. So, I'd call it somewhat even, but more importantly he used his song as a tool to address what he felt. I've used my poetry in the same way. This piece is one of my dud's but it's still special to me because I lived it. THIS IS NOT POETRY, but you couldn't tell me nothin' when I wrote it! So, Mr. Sandman please be kind.
Enjoy!


The FIRST Ladies of Hip Hop
No, I‘m not talking about the female rhymers
But, the WOMEN who are the "strong woman" beside the "strong man"
In this dirt hustling sh*t!!!!
We put up with the traveling from city to city,
The "baby I got a show tonight" and “stop worryin about the underground groupies”
"I was in the lab writing' rhymes, that's why I missed your call, sh*t,!
“Oh I forgot I gots studio time tonight, can I getta a rain check
On the punanny 'til Friday night?”
“You wanna hit this blunt with me and my crew?”
“Stop tripping the weed smoke won't get in yo business suit!”
“Anyway why you working for corporate white amerikka?”
“I’m not trying to work a 9 to 5... sh*t I write rhymes!!!!!,
“Hell I don't know what happen to your Puffy CD!”
“Woman I love the h-e-l-l out of you,
'Cause I'm gonna make it big, marry you
(And my rhymes), you just wait and see!."
Don't forget to give it up to WOMEN who stand by you in this rap ‘ish!

(c) 2002 brownsugatou

"It was election day (2008). I was on a bus and I retrieved some papers from my purse... I took out my Palm Centro and got busy - the rest is history. "

PAPER CANVAS

Imagine me, a blank piece of paper…

Who would be tasked to fill my soul?

Let me bleed lead, ink, and show off my eraser holes?
Crumple my ass up, alley-oop me ‘cause the rhymes ain’t gold?

Who would be tasked to fill my soul?

Keep me up at night til’ I’m copyrighted and sold?
Neglect me during a writer’s block until creativity unfolds?

Who would be tasked to fill my soul?

Richard, Langston, Gwendolyn – oh how I’ve dreamed…someone get me a time machine. Please!

Saul, Universoulove, KRS-One – in due time my brothers… I’m patient but, flat, blank and lonely.

Maya, Toni, Pearl – expose me to the riches of your Queendome… my thin white carpet awaits you.

If I were a blank piece of paper who would be tasked to fill my soul?

© 2008 C. Thomas a.k.a. brownsugatou

March 7, 2009

Welcome to brownsugatou's blog spot. It's funny because I have no recollection of signing up at blogger.com several months ago. It's 4:27 a.m. in the morning, I've been listening to Kanye West, Aretha Franklin, and Mahalia Jackson pondering how I wanted to share my poetry with others. Let's just say that I checked out blogger.com and low and behold I was already signed up! Although this was never my goal to begin with, I decided that maybe I'd give it a shot - posting my poetry on a popular blog website. Okay, so I have my monolugue out of the way. However, I find great comfort in writing my poetry as oppossed to addressing a large audience.

Feel free to check out my profile to learn a few more things about me. Just know that I am laid back and not all of my poetry is reflective of the person - the black woman that I am today. So far, my topics mainly deal with my past relationships, current involvement with men, and other things that just come to mind. Also, I'm no relationship expert in anyway... just waiting for my Black King to take his permanent place next to my throne. Being from the Bay Area (Oakland, CA born and raised) I may on a occasion entertain you with slang or expletives (thanks Grannie) or some rather strong emotions. Please enjoy!

brownsugatou